Not too long ago I was shocked to see that on the cover of a recent People Magazine was Drew Barrymore's beautiful face with a nasty caption about her divorce to her husband and father of her two young children. However, unlike most celebrity divorce announcements, this one actually upset me. Not because America's sweetheart was experiencing heartbreak, but the horrible portrayal of her divorce. How "Hollywood's former wild child" had "almost" made her "finally normal" life last, but she was just too wild to live that picket fence life.
What's worse was the comments that followed the article from people around the world- how they thought Drew was "finally happy" and now she won't be "happy again".
First of all, I absolutely love the comments that people leave under the celebrity break up stories and I wish we could all comment on our friends' relationships on social media, the way people ever so bravely weigh in on a relationship they don't even know about online. I mean seriously.
Quite frankly, the hardest lesson anyone will ever learn, is that we don't really know what is going on in our friends' relationships. I mean we see it everyday on social media- we hear of a friend who is constantly arguing with their significant other and then later they post a photo of the two of them "so happy" together. The same way we use a filter to cover the flaws of a photo, social media has become our own little tabloid in order to attempt to portray a truth we long to believe in. But, for some reason, many people see a post as an invite to comment on a situation which they no nothing about.
There was one particular comment that really mad me upset. A comment that eluded to the fact that "a ring and marriage consists of happiness" and Drew doesn't have either of them anymore. It was BEYOND a misogynistic point of view!
Let's examine the facts about Drew: She runs her own production company, her own make up company, has starred in numerous films and has two beautiful children. But somehow, now she will lead an unhappy life because she doesn't have the so- called "stability" of a marriage and a ring?
I respectfully disagree!
I never truly get outraged my comments on celebrity articles, but for the first time, I wanted to fly to wherever this commentor was and see what their life consisted of. Was it better than Drews? Were they living a happily married life?
One of the greatest mistakes a woman in this day of age can do, is make a relationship the source of happiness. A happy person, who leads a fulfilling life, is able to recognize when a relationship isn't healthy anymore. Someone who holds on to something because it is the only source of happiness they have, is someone who isn't happy.
"A healthy relationship consists of two people who are their own individual pillars of strength, rarely having to lean on each other for support and inner happiness."
Putting your own and your partner's happiness first is brave, but recognizing that you're no longer happy together, is even braver. Why stay in a marriage that you are no longer happy in? Why do we as a society put so much pressure on "Staying together" when sometimes things just don't work?
Falling in love is scary- putting your own needs first and recognizing what you are looking for in a relationship is even scarier- no one wants to be "the bad guy" or "the one who gave up". We all struggle to find that balance- to find the things that can be compromised, and the things we need that are non-negotiables. However, don't be too hard on yourself or those around you, who are trying to find that medium. Sometimes all it takes is time.
Make sure above any other relationship, your strongest one is with YOURSELF.
Davina Adjani
I was once told to stop writing and find something I'm good at and I have been writing ever since. I am a San Franciscan in Los Angeles who secretly loves it,a Frasier fanatic obsessed with country music and French Bulldogs. Within five minutes of talking to me you will know all about my family,who are my absolute everything. I live my life fully and honestly, and refuse to be confined by the fear that my intentions maybe misinterpreted. My Oma (grandmother) raised me to believe that love should always be a priority but most importantly, loving yourself is essential in this crazy world and with that in everything I write, I try to give the medicine of reality sugar coated with a sense of humor, hoping that through the toughest of times women know not only do they have the strength to overcome any obstacle but how spectacular they truly are.