My parents never had "the conversation" with me when it came to sex. They never sat me down and said that I needed to "save myself" for marriage, they never told me I needed to be perfectly pure in order to be loved- they just taught me the good old fashioned "just be yourself". My mother later on in college would tell me, "Davina you are a Bentley, be careful who rides you." It wasn't a have all the doors locked message- it was simply have fun, but make sure you know your value.
Recently, a friend of mine was using Tinder and he was using a photo of himself with another friend who is "better looking" in order for girls who aren't really looking, to swipe right on him. First I felt really bad for the guy. Here is someone who is wanting to love someone, be with someone, maybe just get laid, but basically by using someone else's photo as bait. According to him- HE wouldn't even have sex with himself. (What?) Tinder is already one of the most non-organic ways to meet someone, so why wouldn't you want to at least try and meet someone with your best version of yourself?
While discussing dating with aanother friend of mine, she was telling me how she had "only slept with three guys", qualifying her to be a "good girl" and therefore she didn't understand how she couldn't get a guy. She thought she had sex appeal, regardless of the lack of sex she has been having..
So there we have it- the guy who wouldn't have sex with himself but thinks someone may if he uses his buddy's picture and the girl who hasn't had much sex, thinking that would get her someone.
"When did SEX become the only thing that people think they can use in order to catch someone? What happened to just having a winning personality? Why has everyone's selling point become well... sex?"
When you buy a car, sure you check out the exterior- but would you purchase a Mercedes with an interior that looked like it had gone through a tornado? Sure, maybe you could drive it around and have the world convinced you are living a life of luxury- however, only you know what is going on under the shiny hood of the car. My point is, I believe many of us are selling ourselves short. Whether that's advertising ourselves on a dating app as if we are a car with a terrible interior, or a car with an amazing interior, or making it a selling point that we are a "good car" because only a couple people have driven it. We are using the most useless qualities about who we are as selling points, as an attempt to prove our value, when the reality is what makes us who we are is well... us.
You can't trick someone into thinking you are a good person by telling them your number the same way you can't trick someone into sleeping with you by using a better looking friend's photo on a dating app.
Sure sex sells, but if that's all you're going to sell let me tell you something- everyone is going to think you're cheap.
Your value isn't what what people perceive of you, what makes you valuable is the truth about who you are inside and out.
Next time you go out on a date, or you find yourself on a dating app ask yourself, does this TRULY represent who I am? Am I truly showing my value? You're not a politician, you don't need to please everyone- you want to be a magnet to the right person. The first step, is acknowledging all that you are- the full picture- the right picture- the true picture.
Davina Adjani
I was once told to stop writing and find something I'm good at and I have been writing ever since. I am a San Franciscan in Los Angeles who secretly loves it,a Frasier fanatic obsessed with country music and French Bulldogs. Within five minutes of talking to me you will know all about my family,who are my absolute everything. I live my life fully and honestly, and refuse to be confined by the fear that my intentions maybe misinterpreted. My Oma (grandmother) raised me to believe that love should always be a priority but most importantly, loving yourself is essential in this crazy world and with that in everything I write, I try to give the medicine of reality sugar coated with a sense of humor, hoping that through the toughest of times women know not only do they have the strength to overcome any obstacle but how spectacular they truly are.